To the admin - whoever is still here, please, PLEASE don't delete this. I have no desire to be a part of this forum, at least not like in the old days. It's been 15 years. Times, people, even this site have all changed. Let's put the past in the past, please! And let this be my way of burying the past as it was for me on here.
I figured, hoped, that by now, I could sneak this in, but it seems I might have waited too long. WNYMusic looks like a graveyard. What happened here? The Buffalo music scene seems to be thriving, still, from what I can see from 700 miles away. Is a Forum like this just an antiquated medium for local music scenes to interact anymore?
It was just coincidence that yesterday would be one of those once-a-year times where I click on the link to this place and see what or who is around. It was coincidence that yesterday, I saw my name mentioned a few times and it made me think, this would be a good place to drop a little story I'll call "What Happened to Hip?"
New people won't know me, it's understandable, and some older people will roll their eyes, seeing me, but they may not know or may wonder what happened to us, HK and B9. Well, it's not good. It's ugly, actually, and I know I whined a lot in the old days and this may seem like whining and it is, to a degree. I fucked up. I fucked up bad and made a fatal mistake. I answered the phone the first time Bridget called me. I have rued that day for 17 years. Taking that call was a gut-shot that slowly killed everything.
You guys who were here will remember that the early 2000's, this was a very active forum and I was a part of it, for better or worse, (I know I said and did some really fucked up things here and I'm sorry, really, very sorry), and then B9 showed up. She was an enigma and a mystery and unbelievable in her bragging and self love. She turned this forum upside down. People who hated her presence (I was one - I hated her) were still curious and it took a long time before she ever made an appearance anywhere and it was me she chose to piggy back off of. For a year we were just friends, going out and just being assholes,when I look back at it, but out of control to the point that we pissed off too many people and in 2014, she got pregnant we got banned from here.
Getting her pregnant was the worst thing I could have ever done. I loved my life back then. The local music scene - and trying to be as much a part of it as I could. I loved living on Hertel and being a part of that neighborhood. I loved Buffalo with all of my heart. I still do and having been stuck in the worst part of the worst state for the last 13 years, I miss it so much. I was young and wild and free, but I had a plan for my life and I was living it. Beneath the surface of who I was in public, I was building a future - and I threw it away.
I came to Illinois to talk her into coming back to NY after she went to visit her family with our Daughter and decided she was never coming back. Look, from day 1, she brought chaos into my life and I guess I was jaded enough to think that me being with Bridget gave me some kind've credibility??? smh.... wow... what the fuck was I thinking? But I never thought she would take me away form the place I loved.
I drove here with a suitcase full of clothes, expecting to be back in a week or so and it wasn't until 2017 that I saw Buffalo again. I lost everything. All the antique furniture I inherited when my Great Grandfather died. Photo albums, all my Vinyl Albums, clothes, computers, my PA systems - and a huge collection of CD's and Tapes of local bands that I had been collecting for almost 15 years. Those are the things I miss. Unreplaceable. The biggest loss was my mother, who was my Mom when I left and now, has been in a nursing home with full blown Alzheimer's for several years. She doesn't know any of us (I visited her when I was home). I lost my mother figuratively. I missed the last cognizant years she had.
I tried to have a relationship with her after it became apparent that I was stuck here, she got pregnant again in 2007, but by the time my 2nd daughter was born, we were done. For 2 more years we lived under the same roof, but it was impossible to be around her. Her drinking - which has never stopped - was worse than ever. She was violent, abusive - both physically and emotionally - and most of the time, I was the parent while she slept all day or went out all night. I had nothing and no one. She would chase off any friends I made. She convinced her family that I was beating her up (something she still tries to tell people) but the truth is, she broke me down to nothing. My neighbor told me one night that I was a nervous wreck all the time and he didn't know who I was anymore.
In 2010, I had enough and used an OP to kick her out. 4 months later, she was married and pregnant by the guy she had been seeing for the last year (The first 6 months of that behind my back).
I was seeing a Psychologist for 2 years after I kicked Bridget out who at one point told me that I had occupied the position in a domestic abuse situation, usually occupied by women. She sent me to a shrink who said I was possibly suffering from a slight case of PTSD from what I had been through. I was like, What the FUCK!!?? PTSD?? Are you even serious?
Financially, everything was a mess. in 2005, in Buffalo, I was on track for about $120K. in 2006, in Peoria, I made 22K and I could never find a job that paid much more than that. There were just no jobs here. We were evicted from several places, utilities cut off and the only thing that stayed consistent was her mandatory bottle of Vodka every night. And if I said no, she would make life so miserable, there was no choice but to give in.
In 2013, I was ready to give up and come home - and then Dish came along. For the last 6 years, I've been a tech, now Lead Tech and Field trainer for Dish Network, my finances are back to being stable, and that was how I ended up in Buffalo, 2 years ago. Dish needed 5 people to help in the Buffalo market, so I got a 3 week paid, working vacation home.
I remember, I drove all night to get here and an ex Girlfriend called me at 9 the next morning to ask when I would be home. I told her I was on the 33 and I felt like Tom Hanks in Cast Away. "And now I have ice in my glass". It was so surreal and over the 3 weeks I was home, I tried to get in as much as I could. I didn't go to any shows, sadly, because I was driving a Dish van - not something I want to be leaving a bar with late at night. But I did a lot and I saw a lot and I was in awe. Hertel looks amazing. The Waterfront is unreal and truly, the entire city just looks and feels incredible. I missed all of that happening and I would have SO wanted to be a part of it. I see people complain about Buffalo and I think, you don't know what you have. Go somewhere else like where I am now and see how much you miss it.
When it was time to leave, I cried. I literally sobbed as I drove down the Thruway, headed back to a place I hate.
My kids are awesome. We're the 3 muskateers. My oldest daughter is the perfect kid. Smart, popular, a cheerleader and she starts high school this year. She has her first boyfriend and came to me for advice when she first started talking to him. I'm not a big fan of a 14 yr old having a boyfriend, but I can't stop it and I love that she comes to ME!
My youngest daughter is a different story. She has bad behavior problems at home and school. She's fine with me, but she hates her mother and tells her things like how she's going to kill her and run away to live with me. She throws tantrums and is violent with other kids. Supposedly, I might be getting custody of her after school ends - which would be the best thing for her.
Bridget is a monster. She is consumed with herself. She still thinks she's a Rock Star and an actress and a model - and she still has nothing substantial to back that up - although she has mastered the art of marketing herself. She is always angry. I don't know how her husband deals with it, but there are some stories, there, also. Her delusional world has only gotten bigger and more outlandish. She's still a drunk and she uses the kids against her family to get her way. If anyone criticizes or crosses her, she won't let them see the kids. If her lips are moving, she's bitching. And that's why my 11 yr old hates her. I could write a book, and I might, about Bridget.
Me, I'm old, grey hair coming in faster than I can stop it, what's left of it. I quit smoking and put on 15 pounds. I haven't worked out like I did so religiously back home so I'm out of shape, since I got here, there is NO music scene here and what there is, sis a joke and I spend most of my time angry and depressed and alone.
So, there it is. My "What Happened to..." Say what you will about it. I made epic, irreversible mistakes. I own that and it took a long time before I did, but this is it.
I wish this story had a happy ending and maybe it will some day, but not today.